The First Date
I’ve been on many different types of first dates. Some were simple dinner dates, and some were well planned extravagant adventures. I think some men put more thought into the first date than they would like us to know, which is a good thing. If a man doesn’t put any thought into it then there is a good chance he doesn’t value your time. If you want to maximize your opportunity for a second date I’ve written some simple guidelines to help from my experience and the experiences of my friends. This advice is written for women, but it pertains to everyone in the dating world.
- If a man asks you on a first date, it is HIS responsibility to hammer out the details, in fact, most guys take pride in doing so. Other than informing him that you have a sushi allergy or that you prefer 7:30 to 7 o’clock due to your hectic primping schedule–the rest is on him. I know chivalry isn’t completely lost so if you’re comfortable with it let him pick you up. If he takes the long and challenging journey to your door instead of sending you a text message alert of his arrival, you might have a winner! If he opens the passenger door of his car, 10 points for him! If this date leads to a romantic future, you’ve already set expectations for your relationship!
*Side note: If this rule doesn’t apply because you’d rather meet strange men from Tinder out at a seedy bar then you should stop reading this now and don’t ever expect a ring on your finger because guys on Tinder are only out for one thing- swipe left.
- Keep conversation light and fun! Nobody likes the Debbie Downer so don’t bring up drama that you have with your family and coworkers or the fact that the family hamster Mr. Snuffles bit the bullet last month. Don’t ever put down other females whether they are present or not- talking poorly about other women screams insecurity. Follow the golden rule: If you don’t have anything nice to say then keep your mouth shut. Don’t talk about finances, religion, or politics—Your date doesn’t need to hear about why being a Republican Atheist is important to you or how much money you owe in back taxes on the first date. And God forbid please do NOT talk about any of your exes or the terrible first dates you went on before you read my blog post. As far as your first date is concerned, you can just go ahead and pretend it’s the only date you’ve ever been on in your entire life. Keep the conversation simple if the guy is worth your time you’ll have plenty of other opportunities for the more serious subject matter.
- Show proper etiquette. Be on time. Always be kind! If you’re at a restaurant, bar, or any place where people are providing a service be kind and courteous to the staff. Don’t bark orders when speaking to them. Treat them exactly like you’d want to be treated. Look people in the eyes when you’re talking to them. There are many different opinions on who should pick up the tab. I think it’s always nice to offer but if you’re expecting the other person to pay don’t suggest an expensive bottle of wine or order yourself a big fat steak. Choose something moderately priced and let them decide if they’d like to go for the bottle or just a glass. Don’t check other people out. I don’t care how hot the bartender is it’s rude to stare at people especially when you’re on a date. Follow the basic etiquette that I hope your mom taught you: Place your napkin on your lap, don’t curse, don’t talk with food in your mouth, don’t put your elbows on the table, and the biggest rule gets its very own number. Can I get a drum-roll, please?
- PUT YOUR CELL PHONE. AWAY! Not on the table next to your plate—COMPLETELY out of sight. I don’t give a shit if you “need” to know how many likes your pre-date selfie got or if you’re in the middle of brokering the biggest business deal of your life- there is no excuse I’m buying for checking your cell phone at the table on a first date. If someone in your family is on their deathbed then congratulations you’re already an asshole for being on a first date instead of at the hospital.
- Get to know your date. Don’t spend the date listing off your accomplishments or explaining why you like your cat more than people. Instead, try and focus your energy on getting to know who they are and what they like. Questions like: What do you like to do on the weekends? Do you have any hobbies? Where did you grow up? Nothing too personal on the first date—this is not the time to interrogate them about why their last girlfriend dumped them or how much debt they acquired for that pricey Vanderbilt education.
- Don’t over indulge. Drinking can make or break a first date. Two glasses of wine during dinner might be the perfect remedy for your first date nerves, but a third or fourth glass can turn into a disaster. I think a two drink maximum is a good rule of thumb. Don’t take any shots this isn’t a bachelorette party, so it’s important to show off your classy more refined side and avoid compromising situations. No man writes home to his mother about the drunk girl he slept with on the first date, which brings me to my next rule.
- Do NOT go back to his place or invite him to yours to “talk” or “continue the perfect evening” or whatever else he may call it. You’re not stupid you know it’s a trap. If you agree to take the date to his place you are making an agreement to sleep with him. A good first date comes to an end BEFORE the next day. Men are hunters and hunters do it for the game. It’s all about the chase and if you’ve already given him what he wants the thrill is over. Hunters don’t hunt dead deer and men don’t chase sluts. Showcase your self-respect, not your sexual talents.
There is a good chance you’ve made some of these mistakes, but don’t beat yourself up. Mistakes can become valuable lessons. The world of dating is changing, but just because your friends are banging strangers from Tinder doesn’t mean you should. If you’re looking for a disease- free lasting relationship, try connecting with people in other ways. If you have any questions go to Askolivia.com
Once you land, your next first date always use common sense but more importantly have some self-respect. If you don’t respect yourself, you can’t expect other people to respect you. Check out my YouTube Channel for more dating advice.
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